ever looked at someone and wondered where you knew them from? well sometimes it happens to me. although unlike most of you a secondary thought crosses my mind - oh fuck, did we have sex? its shit huh.  gone are the days of being fuckloose and fancy free. mainly because in my semi old age and what can only be described as my pending alcoholism, i generally still have the means to pick up boys - i just drink myself into a drunken stupor and fall asleep before any of the fun stuff goes down. hell, it makes for a less awkward morning right. 

im literally at a cross roads in my life - my sensible is staring me in the face demandingly telling me 'you're 25. get a career. find a nice boy. settle down. buy a house. start decorating the nursery'. whereas my inner child has my sensible in a headlock, telling me 'you're happy. keep getting drunk on school nights. go on random push bike adventures. spend all your money on stupid shit'. i like my inner child better. 

sometimes i get stuck inside my own head and at times it can be as bad an an acid trip gone horribly wrong, mainly due to the fact that i spent the most part of my adolescence cramming as many illicit substances i could get my grubby little hands on into my system. other times it can be the most amazing thing in the whole world. most of the time its just a brain - over analytical and junk.  i dont know at what point my head took over and kicked my heart to the curb, but im starting to look at life, and the whole boy meets girl situations, a lot more logically. it feels like a whole 'nother realm of puberty - only instead of being 12 and waking up a hormonal 13 year old with pubes and tiny chest mounds that grew into tiny boobs, it almost feels like i went to sleep being an awkward 15 year old and woke up - probably hungover - being a very secure mid 20's human being. dont get me wrong - im pretty chuffed at the way i turned out considering all the wrong paths i could have taken, but 25 is just so. damn. urgh.

every move i make now is played like a strategic game of chess - my logic teamed with my years of playing the field have taught me almost everything there is to know about boys. and its boring the hell out of me. im always two well thought out steps in front of any boy - i know exactly what to expect from the very first meeting. and you can generally place boys in any of the three following groups:

1) the boy who just wants to be with you for the time being - like a prolonged party pash

2) the boy who just wants to fuck

&

3) the boy who wants to get married, introduce you to his friends and live happily ever after

and to be honest, im not down for any of it. im not a romantic kind of person, i dont have the stamina to get out of bed at ungodly hours to go and shag, and i sure as hell dont have the capacity to deal with another person invading my space 5 nights a week. i like sleeping starfish on my kind size bed. i like eating ham and beetroot with ranch dressing for dinner. i like cooking breakfasts for one and sitting in my underwear no shame styles reading the newspaper. fuck my sensible, she can go to hell. because after my sunday breakfast for one, im going to march my logical arse onto a push bike with a 6 pack of hahns finest in the basket wedged on the hangers, spend some money on shit i dont need, and end up at the pub. i told you i liked my inner child better.