so the words 'turning 26 this year' have been thrown around ALOT lately. im not sure how much longer im going to be able to get away with being only as old as the boy im shagging. and im starting to freak out. so much so that i have started reluctantly planning my farewell to childhood party at the end of the year - jelly wrestling, goon of fortune, kegs and fairy bread. and i've been feeling good about it - i mean, im gonna have to grow up one day. and in some aspects, sure, im an adult. i go grocery shopping on a weekly basis and buy things like toilet paper and dishwashing liquid and fresh produce - as opposed to tinned spaghetti and frozen dinners. im (slowly but surely) learning my rights from wrongs. 

right - having to work tomorrow and only having a few glasses of wine. i do not need to finish the entire bottle. 

wrong - writing my name in a cab with a permanent marker. it meant we couldn't call cabs to our house anymore.

theres a lot of grey area still - is it still ok to have a pickle fight at 2am in maccas? is it still ok to eat ice cream for dinner? i guess knowing those answers will only come with (more) age. ugh. can i just not grow up? 

im in limbo land at the moment, still young enough to get away with most things, getting old enough to be able to pull off lot more. quiet weekends? no drama - in fact, its no longer frowned upon within my social circle. its almost encouraged. why go out, drink your way through the entire drinks list at a nighclub with music so loud you cant hear the boy you're about to take home tell you his name for the 15th time that night (its the excuse i often run with when i update dirt list with things like random swedish or brad?), wake up with a raging hangover not even a double dose of xanax can cure and a dude who doesn't even speak english in your bed when you can spend a day doing things so wholesome it puts good christian folk to shame? like going for a bushwalk? or spending the day at the park? *shudders and starts clawing the walls*

at what age does my behaviour get weird? at what age does my reluctance to get my shit together and start doing grown up things subside? at what age does it become unacceptable to do things like put on some grunge music, drink beer and fuck? or buy barbie dolls? or laugh about thinks like shitting yourself and boners? im waiting for the day when my parents sit me down and have the 'so, what exactly are you doing with your life' chat.

does adulthood just kinda happen, or is it something that i have to consciously and proactively do every day for the rest of my life until i die? because if its something that just happens then i guess there isn't a lot i can do to change it. i can pretty much sit on the couch watching cartoons until a wave of maturity washes over me. then i could have one of those lightbulb moments and be all 'wait, i don't want to watch cartoons anymore. i want to buy a house.' and that'd be pretty sweet. but if its something i have to consciously do, then fuck that. my room smells slightly of sex and beer. its 5pm and i've been in my pyjamas since 1, im full on chocolate the easter bunny bought me, and theres a pretty pimp lego car the 23 year old boy i shagged last night made before he left this morning. i don't know if any of those are rights or wrongs. im glad these actions fall in the grey area of maturity. it means im not that old. just yet anyway…